


It's Okay To Cry

by starsofyoursoul (Apothecary_Rose)



Series: TMNT Tumblr Posts [4]
Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Brother-Sister Relationships, Comfort/Angst, Drabble, Gen, Past Character Death, Prompt Fill, Season/Series 04, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-06
Updated: 2016-07-06
Packaged: 2018-07-21 20:05:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7401967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Apothecary_Rose/pseuds/starsofyoursoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Raphael hates space.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Okay To Cry

**Author's Note:**

> Set sometime during Season 4. Unbeta'd. I hope you like it!

He hates space. It's cold and weird and nothing felt right. Nothing felt like _home_.

Even in the simulator, it wasn't right. Leo could pretend all he wanted but Raph knew. Sure maybe everything would look right as they had left it. It could even smell the same for all he cared but it wouldn't be real and Raph would _know_.

No matter how long any of them spent in that room, they'd still have to leave. Watch it fade away, again. Raph couldn't do that.

Home was gone. Everyone they've ever come in contact with, all of their friends, were gone.

Master Splinter was gone.

He curls his fingers into fists and leans against the wall. He drew in a deep breath, closing his eyes tightly against the threat of tears.

_C'mon Raph, pull yourself together. Your family needs you. You can't do this right now._

"You know," says a soft voice behind him. "It's okay to cry."

Startled, Raph spins around quickly to see April standing next to the door watching him.

"I wasn't crying!"

She smiles softly at him, taking a few steps into the room.

"I know," she says. "But I'm telling you it's okay, if you did."

"Psh, yeah," he says. He swallows, trying to get rid of the lump in his throat. He breaths in through his nose and huffs out the breath, hoping to look tougher and less like he's barely keeping from falling apart. "Look, April, I'm fine-"

"Raph," her tone still soft but this time with a firmer edge to it. "You don't have to do that."

"Do what? I'm not doing anything."

She doesn't respond, taking a few more steps until she was close enough to put her hand on his shoulder. Her hand is warm and gentle and Raph feels the pressure building back up in his chest. He shrugs her hand off and takes a step back.

"Look, April," he starts but he can't think of anything to say because the weight on his chest just seems to be getting heavier. His breathing picks up speed and he's sure if he doesn't leave he might just explode.

"We all lost someone, Raph," she says. She is still standing right next to him, her face nothing but understanding and sadness and he wants her to stop looking at him. "Including you."

"Jeez, April, I know that! Don't you think -" he stops and turns away from her, his voice catching. "I don't want to talk about this, okay. This isn't. I'm fine."

"Raph,"

"No. Okay, look we just need to focus on stopping the triceratons, okay. And then we can save Earth and go home and stop with all this stupid space stuff and everything will be fine, okay, just I'm fine, I just hate this stupid ship and these stupid alien guys chasing us and the stupid simulator and -"

He throws his fist into the wall. His chest heaving and he is so angry, so so angry, at the Triceratons, at the Shredder, at Leo, at April, at himself. And he needs to calm down, to remember everything Sensei taught him about anger and control but he can't, he can't and isn't that just a kick in the stomach that he can't even do that, what he needs to do for his family, for his brothers, and he's such a disappointment isn't he?

And he feels like he's suffocating and he just wants his _father_ back but he's gone and no simulator is gonna make that okay because it's not his father, it can't reassure him with warm smiles, quiet laughter, a hand on his head, on his back, the softness of fur as he wrapped his arms around his shell, of his soothing voice that offers comfort and is full of affection and love, and the smell of home as Raph pressed his face into his chest, and even if Raph reconstructed it all from his memory it would bring no comfort because it was just a hologram, his father was gone and unless by some miracle they actually succeeded, he would never have any of that ever again and he couldn't, he can't-

"Raph!"

He looks up again and suddenly there are warm hands on his face, small and human but gentle and familiar, and blinks rapidly because April's face is blurry and he realizes that he's crying.

"April," he starts but his voice breaks and he doesn't even know what to say anymore.

"It's okay," she says. Her voice is thick and Raph can tell she's holding back tears herself. She strokes her thumbs along his face. "It's okay, Raph."

He lets out half a sob. He shakes his head and raises his hand to his face to hastily wipe away his tears but she catches it on the way.

"Hey," she gives his hand a squeeze. "It's just you and me."

He doesn't know how to respond to that so he just squeezes her hand back and closes his eyes and tries to breathe. Now that he's started, he's not sure he can stop crying.

Slowly, April's hand moves down to his shoulder and then before he knows it, she has her arms around him. One hand pressed to his shell, the other on top of his head.

After a few moments, he wraps his arms around her waist and buries his face in her shoulder.

They stay like that until they hear Mikey call for dinner from the other room an hour later.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. As always, your feedback is much appreciated!


End file.
